


It Doesn't Matter

by orphan_account



Series: Size Issue [1]
Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-10
Updated: 2010-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-07 20:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JC may not be man enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Doesn't Matter

Summer nights are unbearably hot in Orlando. JC is dripping with sweat, even while lounging near Chris's pool. His hand caresses a tall Corona.

"I'm surprised you're drinking that," Chris comments. "Aren't you concerned about the bulge?" He sits down on the beach chair beside JC's, and drinks his Budweiser.

"Yours doesn't seem to bother you any."

"Fuck off, Calista."

"You're a bitch when you're hot, aren't you?"

"My inner gay man comes out."

"You have an inner gay man?" JC asks dubiously.

"As opposed to your outer one, yes."

"Shut up, pygmy."

"Ooh, height joke. Touched a nerve."

He glares at Chris, who looks unrepentant as he finishes his Bud with one long swallow. Chris wipes his mouth and reclines on the chair.

"You gotta learn to roll with the insults, Jayce. Jesus, after all the shit that's been written about us, I would have thought you would have developed a thicker skin by now."

"It's hard."

"I know it is. I just said you gotta learn."

"How do you deal with the short jokes?"

"I'm not short in ways that matter!" Chris says jokingly.

JC rolls his eyes. "I'm serious, asshole."

"When are you ever not serious?"

"Could you just answer the question?"

"Has it occurred to you that maybe I don't want to answer the question?"

"Why?"

Chris sighs and gives up, because he knows JC won't let go until some of his questions are answered.

"Being short, fine. Well, the jokes get old. I don't appreciate being called elf for one. Why not dwarf or something?"

"What's the difference?" JC's looks at Chris in confusion.

"Do you read?"

"Shut up. And yes, I do read! Elf, dwarf, what does it matter? They both mean a small person."

"You obviously don't read. Elves are always light and bouncy. Dwarves make weapons. They make huge ass swords and shields."

"I may not read, but at least I'm not a dork."

"Matter of opinion, Space Cowboy."

"Shut up."

"You really don't read, do you? You'd have a better comeback if you did."

"Fuck you, Harry Potter."

"Hallelujah! He reads!"

"All 700 odd pages of the last one," JC says indignantly.

"Well, maybe now you can find a dictionary and find another rhyme for girl. Because there are others besides girl, you know."

"Shut up!" The look JC gives Chris is a concentrated beam of ice.

"Twirl, swirl, unfurl, curl, pearl-" Chris singsongs.

"I hate you sometimes, you know that?"

"Well, teach you to ask something I don't wanna talk about." Chris pins him with a stare, and JC can't help casting his eyes down in embarrassment. "You wouldn't be so bad if you could learn to take hints. It's not like I was being subtle."

"I just wanted to know."

"Being small sucks, okay? It means I'll never fulfill that fantasy where I can slam dunk on a real court, not on some cheap ass Hasbro set. It means I have to go first in line all the time for standing room events because I can't see over tall people. It means I have to jump sometimes to get things on a shelf. I've made my peace. I'm cool with it. It doesn't mean I like being asked about it. That's as far as my peace and cool with it goes, if no one asks anything."

"Doesn't seem like you're at peace with it at all. And this from the one who says I should learn to roll with the insults. Besides, height doesn't matter in the end, you know that."

Chris' derision was apparent. "Jayce, we're all hypocrites about something important. We all deny something important. You just did both right there."

Images he cannot control flash in his head with Chris' words, and he is held hostage by what he doesn't want to remember.

***

The problem was JC couldn't deny it, not when proof of it was visible to him everyday. No matter how much he wanted to deny it.

He saw it in the way Justin avoided his eyes now, the awkward silences that permeated their conversations. It was a deadly, silent disavowal of things seen that, if JC had had his way, would never have seen the light of day without some warning, let alone Justin's once adoring eyes.

It had been going on for a while now. Their glances came into contact more and more. Their touches lingered. He had already kissed Justin, and Justin had kissed back. Each kiss after that was progressively slower, longer, wetter, nastier and yet even better than the last one.

He had made plans with Justin hours before, and had just gotten out of the shower nude when Justin had stumbled into his hotel room, eyes full of mischief. He caught JC completely and utterly naked. His eyes were wide when he saw JC, and slowly made an appraising and hungry descent.

Then his gaze just stopped, and Justin's face went blank.

"Sorry, C. Teach me to knock." He walked away without glancing back.

JC was too shocked to do anything when Justin was there. When it finally occurred to him to cover up, Justin was already walking away.

He realized Justin's limitations right there, but even that wasn't enough. He felt defeated anyway.

***

JC is brought back to reality by Chris' sudden, palpable intensity.

"The thing I hate most about being short," he says in an even tone that only emphasized his hurt, "is the fact that you actually had to ask me how I dealt with being short."

JC looks away, and then says quietly, "It shouldn't matter, but it does. I won't be the only hypocrite you'll encounter about that."

 

AN END


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